This is the archive of Covered in Bees!!!

23rd May 2008 Chelsea are 'Covered in Bees!!!' 15th November 2007 Time for a Bees update. Woohoo!!! Bugger - forgot what I was going to update... Just noticed tonight that John Sergeant looks very much like 'Katie Hopkins' (sorry John); remember her? From the Apprentice? Or is it just me? Give John a blonde wig and weirder eyes and it's a done deal. Spent ages trying to Photoshop Katie's hair onto John's head and then thought, 'What are you doing? No-one reads Bees anyway except David and a few other strange people! John Sergeant looks nothing like Katie Hopkins! Except in your own warped head. Get a life for the sweet love of God and all that's good in this world!' I'll think about the implications of this revelation while I go and have toast with melted brie and marmalite. It's lovely. ('It's not marmalite you muppet. It's marmite. MARmite.') 6th November 2007 Dave phoned me up today and had a bit of a go at me for not updating bees. Especially as I'd promised to update in October. I laughed a bit, as you do. But then he shouted at me! And I think he was crying! Bloody hell! I've been busy and whatnot but I didn't want to upset anyone! Sorry! What have I done since then? Bit more trekking in the Lakes. Lovely week in Venice with Catherine. (Photo's here.) Been busy with work. Bill Oddie's on telly right now wearing a hat with plastic antlers while Kate Humble is tying his antlers and his foot together with orange rope. She's about to inject him with a tranquliser. Ok then... 12th September 2007 So this guy with wild hair and rotten teeth lumbered over to me the other day. I was minding my own business; I'd had a good lunch, it was a beautiful day, no-one was going to break(a) my stride but I could see that this man had eyeballed me and decided that I was his target. I swore to myself and while internally I thought I could be really rude (assertive?) to this guy, maybe if I just smile and tell him I'm not interested, maybe he'll move on? He didn't move on. he shouted drunkenly, 'Where's new bees boy????' 'Huh?' I replied, walking a bit faster for my train. 'WHERE'S NEW BEE'S BOY!!!?' he yelled. And then I understood. I'd once promised new bees, a long time ago... back in August 2007. But was I good to my promise? No. Unworthy I bought the bad teethed man from Gipton a sandwich from a well known sandwich shop and promised to update bees soon. And I will. In October. 5th August 2007 No more Bees for a few weeks sadly (for you), as I'm going on holiday! Going to Puerto Pollensa in Majorca (again). Got my England shorts and my sleeveless Bulldog vest ready and have been cultivating the belly for a few months; shaved my head yesterday morning and haven't ventured outside for weeks so I'm as pale as a bucket of snow. Looking forward to drinking pints and pints and pints of beer, leering at the locals and finding a good British pub to eat fry ups and pies. If the question is ever asked, 'Who ate all the Pies?', I think you'll find it was me. Just kidding. Apart from the pale bit. And the going on holiday bit. In 48 hrs, all being well I'll be on a gorgeous beach sipping something cold and chilling (in 30 degree heat...) Anyway - hope you can cope without a regular dose of Bees. I'm not expecting riots or anything but I have alerted the police. 15th July 2007 We had a very eventful day in the Lake District yesterday (the picture is probably giving you a bit of a clue...) Our aim (me, my partner Catherine and her sister Trish) was to climb the Crinkle Crags from Old Dungeon Ghyll via Pike O' Blisco. We set off from home very early getting to a drenched ODG before 9am. After wimpishly waiting out the rain for a little while, we went for it and set off for Pike O' Blisco. All going fine - quite difficult to navigate, mist came down, but we were doing fine and made our way over very slippery boulders to get to the summit. We took photo's while standing on rocks that were almost ice like in their slipperiness (did I mention it was slippery), and we decided to make our way to a less slippery part to get our gear together for the next leg. Then disaster!!! Trish slipped slightly and something went in her leg! She was unable to put any weight on it at all and was in a lot of discomfort. We managed to get her to a rock to sit on but after a few minutes realised that there was no way we were going to get her down unassisted. We didn't know what was wrong but Trish was putting on a brave face so we thought it was a twisted knee or something. I was very lucky to have a mobile phone signal and dialled 999 for Mountain Rescue. They got here as quickly as they could and were fantastic. Started off with one guy, (didn't get his name but he was brilliant), and by the time they all arrived there were 13 rescuers from the Langdale/Ambleside Mountain Rescue Team, and a stretcher (click here for their website.) While we were waiting for them all to arrive, the first guy (I think he was called Keith) got out an emergency shelter to keep us all warm. Absolute lifesaver! I've got most bits of necessary kit for walking but I'm definitely get one of them! They assessed Trisha's condition before strapping her into the stretcher and taking her down the mountain to the Three Shires Stone at Wrynose. Along the way we picked up 5 people from other Mountain Rescue Teams who helped out (18 in total!) All the rescuers were fantastic. To a person they looked like they loved their work and did everything they could to make sure Trish was comfortable. We went back to their base in Ambleside while waiting for an ambulance to take Trish to Hospital in Kendal. An x-ray that Trisha had actually broken her leg! Because she'd put on a brave face (this photo on the right shows Trish with a broken leg and a big grin on top of a cold mountain waiting to be rescued), everyone just thought it was probably a muscle injury but it turns out that if we'd have tried to get her down the mountain unassisted, she'd probably now be disabled for life! She's now got a cast over her entire leg and a zimmer frame to get round with until next week when it'll be assessed to see if an operation is needed. So we've got big thanks and appreciation for the people from Langdale/Ambleside Mountain Rescue. We'll be sending them a letter and a donation. Their account of the rescue was online in minutes and can be seen by clicking here. Our rescue is number 43 and the big red blob at the bottom of the second photo is us sat in an emergency shelter! (I'm at the left). 4th July 2007 Excellent News that Alan Johnston's been freed! Was slightly confused at the BBC.co.uk site news page earlier but the penny eventually dropped... 4th July 2007 Oh no! Not another embedded YouTube clip?!?!? Afraid so - couldn't resist! Covered in Bees!!! This is the clip that started it all! The epitaph to my legendary website that's had 17 hits since it's inception in about 2005! Contains the legendary line; 'I like my women like I like my coffee... in a plastic cup' Eddie is a genius. For a fantastic sketch (?) about computers, this is the link; Click Here. 1st July 2007 Another find on YouTube - could spend hours on that site. Found the old Blackcurrant Tango ad, and an excellent old Vauxhall Astra ad that I thought was genius but no-one else seems to remember... I'll post them up at some point. Anyway - back to this YouTube find - it's a Tony Blair singing thing and it's great. Personally I'm sad that Tony Blair has gone. Difficult times and all that but I can't think of anyone else who could have done a better job in these days. Most opposition would have done exactly the same but with less charisma and dare I say it - bravery. Anyway - sod off - the topic's not up for debate! 17th June 2007 Apparently the Iranians are upset that Salman Rushdie has been given a knighthood. Apart from the temptation to state the obvious, (e.g. what's it got to do with you? (to put it politely)), any man who looks like that (no offense Salman) deserves at the very least a knighthood for landing such a gorgeous woman as Padma Lakshmi! Well done Salman! Although that is tongue in cheek as I personally think knighthoods are handed out far too easily and cheaply. Become famous, wait long enough and you're bound to get one. They should give out maybe 5 or 6 a year at the most and then only to 'real' hero's like Jane Tomlinson. Obviously celebs do a lot for charity and mainly for genuine reasons, Ian Botham a great example, but I think a knighthood should be something 'extra' special for genuine bravery and courage against the odds. Rant over - found an excellent website today called Passive Aggresive Notes, and it's copies of acerbic notes left by people who've been annoyed at something a housemate, or colleague, or room-mates have done. Very funny but probably not safe to look at while at work! Click here to take a look. 16th June 2007 Sorry - the lousy weather is my fault as we went out and got some new garden furniture last weekend... 10th June 2007 Sorry - been busy with new job!!! Katie Hopkins... probably would have won it if she'd got through to the finals. But she was never going to was she? Not that I'm for a minute suggesting that the last bit was 'stage-managed', or 'set-up'. Of course not! Sad to see Tre go - he was entertainment although I'm still trying to work out if I liked him or abhored him. If I was Sir Alan, (and I could have been - but if I told you the full story, I'd have to kill you. And I would.) I'd hire the monkey that was in that zoo in episode 4 (the one where Kristina (who I think will win it) gave that lolly to that child as a gift then asked the kid's parents to pay £6 (ish) for it). The monkey would do a better job. Probably would have done the bracket thing better than me too. Huh??? Never mind - just don't call the police. Anyway Katie got her comeuppance on 'You're Fired' when Bonnie Tyler gave her a verbal whipping. (You had to have been there.) Ok - so what else? Well if the question should ever be contemplated on a serious level, by men in seriously expensive suits and a penchant for Bentley's and expensive cigars, that question being, 'Who ate all the Pies?', I think I might be in contention! Since starting New Job, I've been doing a lot less walking and have piled it on! I'm not quite John Prescott yet, but I'm on my way. What else - did I mention I'd started a new job? Well let me tell you it's awful. With a capital A. If I'd known it was going to be like this... Had you fooled there didn't I! (Had who fooled??? No one reads this you know. Might as well be talking to yourself...) New job is really great. OK then - off now. It's been fun. I'll type something else here at some point (see how I did that? Was very non-commital there - that way you can't write to me and complain about no bees updates! I did get a complaint once! I really did! I thought for a minute that someone cared that bees hadn't been updated for about a year. Then I read the e-mail properly and it was someone telling me to bugger off and stop trying to be so clever.) I replied and said that I didn't need to try! Think I might have one that argumernt! 27th May 2007 Quick Gimleflob up to the Lakes with Richard. Friday - drive up to Lakes - Side Farm in Patterdale. Beautiful Spot; Small review from 'Ahem' the Times by clicking here And this from the 'cough' Guardian Google by clicking here for loads more It's as busy as a sandbox at playtime when we arrive, despite the dire weather predictions, but we pay the man and get a great spot amongst four unoccupied military looking tents. The four tents remained unoccupied for the entire time we were there. Two nights. Bit weird but we didn't lose sleep over it. Well not much. But we suspect the SAS or the ninjas were involved. So sausages, beans and bacon bits for tea and a quick trip to the pub ensues. The highlight was the discovery that while you're waiting ages for your sausages to cook through, throw a few bacon bits (lard-on's I think is the official name), that cook in 5 seconds flat in a hot mess tin, and you can snack on them until you're bangers are browned. Fantastic. Saturday - had a similar breakfast that hit all the right spots, and set off for Glenridding to climb Catstye Cam, a fine mountain next to Helvellyn but much less busy. At the top we found a man and young daughter, man probably a bit exhausted, and daughter fine but exhasperated at dad trying to take her photo with her pink mobile phone and failing miserably... Back down a bit of scree scramble and a precarious walk along Keppel Cove dam wall that resurfaced some old feelings of vertigo that I thought I'd long since banished, before a pint at the Travellers Rest in Glenridding. Next stop Catstye Cam Outdoor Shop for Richard to buy a waterproof Vaude rucksack to add to his vast collection. Bit of pintage and food at the White Lion at Patterdale (recommended by the official Gimleflob visiting party - especially the patience of the staff), and back to the tent for a quiet nights sleep. Apart from some car full of donkey's who thought it would be 'cool' to arrive at 1am or something and have their 'bmmmshaa, bmmshaaa, bmmmshaa' music blaring out. So how cool will you look with my Leki pole sticking out of your...?? But otherwise good walk and good day. Lack of photo's due to rubbish rechargables - but Richard took some that I'll try and put up at some point. Sunday - Another good breakfast. We decided another walk would be a good idea and yea though we walked through the valley of the shadow of death, we feared no evil. Actually it was the valley between St. Sunday Crag and Helvellyn towards Grisedale Tarn, but the weather was so changeable that we wondered at times if we really were in the shadow of death. Well maybe not the shadow of death, maybe the shadow of 'a bit nippy.' Anyway - back to the tent and back home after another excellent and relaxing Gimleflob! 24th May 2007 Found this on You Tube. Very Funny! Dodgy Language Alert! Probably only funny if you're an Izzard Fan. It's called Death Star Canteen and is about what happens when Darth Vader goes for lunch. 22nd May 2007 Sweet Lord Jesus - an update every 2 days? Blame it on having time on my hands. Blame it on the boogie. Don't care! So while contemplating an egg today, it occured to me that I've never knowingly heard a song by the Arctic Monkeys. I'm sure I have, without realising it, but if an Arctic Monkey song came on the radio, I wouldn't recognise it. If an Arctic Monkey knocked on my door, I wouldn't know him/her from Adam. Does this mean I'm old? Or maybe I'm 'uber' cool (I must be cool - I know what 'uber' means). So what's that got to do with anything? Ab-so-lutely bugger all mate. I just needed a bees update and didn't think you'd be interested in my torrid tale of a desperate search for a paper copy of my driving license in a baking hot loft today. That's it. 20th May 2007 So, The Apprentice! Always great TV, although I think this year especially, the contestants (is that the right word?) have been picked for their TV appeal. Katie Hopkins... is it just me??? Everytime she's on, I can't help but hum the Entry of the Gladiators (a circus tune...) click here to listen. Must be that strange eye make up... I think on her final appearance, (coming soon - surely) Margaret and Nick should start gently humming the intro bit, and then Alan Sugar comes in for the main bit, so they're all nodding their heads in unison while singing, 'doo doo doobee do do do do doduh, doo doo doobee do do do do doduh' while Katie looks on, getting redder and redder until... Ok then... I think I might need to get back to work... 2 weeks to go until my new job!!! Ramblers Anonymous - one of my other websites has been updated, sort of. I've taken off the news that was last updated on 14th April 2006, and have replaced it with 12 of my favourite pictures taken from the Lake District. Click here to have a look. I'll update the site with some more photo's and walking related stuff soon (by my standards that means 2012). I like walking. Using my legs and stuff. It always strikes me as funny that you can find websites dedicated to walking. It's like finding websites dedicated to breathing. I remember as a kid thinking that if I won the pools (kids under 14 all going...'Huh? What's the Pools laaak bro???') I'd have chauffers and all the mod cons so I wouldn't have to ever get up off my backside and could relax for the rest of my life. But now I find the most relaxing thing to do is to get up off my backside and walk! It's got to be somewhere nice though. I wouldn't find it relaxing walking up and down the stairs. OK - off my soapbox! And Cathy I agree - the old banner looked like baby poo. 18th May 2007 New Banner!!! The old one (the little one above) lasted 2 days. Nice piece of concept art that I did, that actually looked more like vomit! What else. Nothing of interest really. Did the Shake n' Vac and put the freshness back! Yes I 'Did the Shake n' Vac and put the fresh-ness back!!' 16th May 2007 Hello! This first entry in the All New Covered in Bees is to say Goodbye to all my ex-colleagues & friends who I no longer work with. Miss you all already. Well most of you. Looking forward to saying goodbye properly on 1st June. Thanks also for the leaving presents. Very kind and very undeserved. xxx Those kisses were for the ladies by the way. 12th October 2006 Mark's quite concerned that Bees hasn't been updated for awhile! Or maybe it's that strange green thing that's flowing through his head... Anyway - I've got the message!!! 11th October 2006 David's bored out of his TREE waiting for Covered in Bees to be updated! Dave says 'I dnt see no pics in bees web thing boy!' and by God he means it too! Covered in Bees - there's too much to put on and not enough time. Don't think the server can handle it sir! It's gonna blow! Oh shut up. Muppet. Just update the frickled site.. Went to Wales on the weekend. Climbed Snowdon, stayed at Beddgelert and popped in at Portmeirion. We saw Patrick McGoohan. I said to him, 'AHA! Number 6!'; he raised an eyebrow and yelled 'I am not a number! I am a free man!' 'You don't look very free to me mate!' I scoffed as a giant condom smothered him. 'Thirteen bloody quid it cost us to get in here!' I shouted after him as he was bounced away. Pictures will follow. Not that you care. It'll be like the old slideshows that you got invited too. Look at my website and my hundreds and hundreds of pictures of... clouds... and footpaths... and really exciting waterfalls... ever seen a waterfall before? Not like this you haven't! It cascades! Downwards! HAHAHA!!! LOOK! It's raining!!!!! 27th September 2006 Richard Burns says 'NO MORE DODGY WEBSITES!' and by God he means it! So - what's new? Learnt how to lose at poker. Climbed a few mountains. Had a wet Gimleflob. Watched a bit of TV. Not much. Just Spooks, Ray Mears, Dragon's Den, Lost. Became an Uncle (Mark and Cheryl had a gorgeous baby Joseph). Photo's will follow. Got some new glasses! Suppose i'll have to update Homer now. Forgot how to do websites. Probably a good thing. Since starting this one i've bought 3 more sites and each one has been updated once. What else? Been to Kefalonia! It was gorgeous. Photo's soon(ish). Did a bit of ironing. I did it ironically thought to make a point. I must have done something else? Anyway. ANYWAY! For geeks there's a great thing to download called CCleaner. I'll put it in Techbits next year but for now you can get it here. It cleans out the rubbish that accumulates on your PC. It comes in a pink bottle and you get a free 'BARRY SCOTT!!!' with it. Is that Remington guy who bought the company still around? He'd have bought CCleaner despite the fact that it doesn't remove nasal hair. Although actually I think it does. Hold down CTRL, ALT & the 'n', 'a', 's', 'l', 'h', 'i' and 'r' simultaneously and grit your teeth. When I write my best selling book, the main character will be known as 'Naslhir the Strong' and only you, oh loyal and few 'Covered in Bees' readers will know that he originated from my nose.